In my prior post we started to look at Genesis 2:24. Today I want to look at part of that verse.
Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
What exactly does it mean to leave father and mother? First it does not mean to sever all ties with them. Children are told in Exod. 2:12 to honor their fathers and mothers. This command does not end when the children are grown. For instance in Mark 7:9-13 Jesus chastises the Pharisees and scribes because they had created a rule that allowed people to designate their possessions as “given to God.” When they did this, they were allowed to use it until they died and did not have to use it to provide for their parents. Likewise in 1 Timothy Paul says that believers who will not care for those of their own households are worse than unbelievers. Clearly this admonition would include those who did not care for their parents. Clearly from these verses we see that there is an ongoing responsibility that children have to parents.
Nor is it strictly a matter of putting physical distances between you and your parents. It is quite possible for someone to be across the continent from their parents and still have their lives so intertwined with their parents that there is no true separation. At the same time, a child can live next door and live their life in such a way that their lives are rightly separated from their parents.
So what does it mean? It means that a child has separated from their parents in such a way that the parents are no longer the dominant human relationship in their lives. Wayne Mack in his book “Strengthening Your Marriage,” gives the following list of what it means to leave your parents:
1. It means that you establish an adult relationship with them.
2. It means that you must be more concerned about your mate’s ideas, opinions, and practices than those of your parents.
3. It means that you must not be totally dependent on your parents for affection, approval, assistance, and counsel.
4. It means that you must get rid of any bad attitudes toward your parents, or you will be tied emotionally to them no matter how far you move from them.
5. It means that you must stop trying to change your mate simply because your parents do not like him the way he is.
6. It means that you make the husband and wife relationship your highest priority human relationship.
a. Yes, you should be concerned about being a good son/daughter-or mother/father, but you should be more concerned about being a good husband/wife than about being a good son/daughter or father/mother. Children do not need indulgent parents who continually neglect each other. They need parents who will demonstrate how to face and solve problems. They need parents who will show them how to be good husbands and wives; how to relate to other people.
b. Parents should prepare their children to leave, not to stay. A parent’s life must not be wrapped around his children or he may make them emotional cripples.
c. Parent should be preparing themselves for the day when their children leave by cultivating common interests, by learning to do things together, and by deepening their friendship with each other.
d. When children have married, parents must not try to run their lives. They must allow the young husband to be the head of his home, to make decisions for himself, to look to his wife, not the parents, as his primary responsibility and helper. Parents must encourage their daughter to depend upon her husband, not on the parents, for guidance, help, companionship, and affection.
Next time we will discuss what it means to hold fast to his wife.
Filed under: Religion
Sounds pretty logical to me!
I will keep these principles in mind as I get older and my relationship with my parents changes.
By the way, the text formatting isn’t showing up properly in my browser (AOL)- do you know what I can do to fix it? Thanks!
So glad I found your website, it has helped to find some truth to some questions that has been ligering inside of me. I have a daughter of 10 moths an mom doesn’t want me to mary father of my child. She thinks his a deceiver and God has someone better than him instore for me, according to her God given dreams & vision. At the moment he’s allowed to only see his child once a month, I must not call, speak, go to him. at church we cannot greet each other, as she will be furious. She calls him all types of names and compares my daughter with him. I will be 9 june 2009 30 years of age. I renewed my life with Christ and father of my child also repented of what we both has caused. He daily prepairs him self to look towards water baptism. I wonder if some one could give me some advice on this, am I wrong to still mary him???
should I obey my mom’s visions & dreams????
Sabrina,
It would be very unwise to try to counsel you on this issue on a blog. Your short comment raises a host of questions that would need to be explored before I could say that my counsel would be either for or against this particular marriage. In particular I would probably need to talk to your mother and the young man. I will make a couple of comments that I hope will help.
1) Your mothers dreams and visions are not from God. This is not the way God gives wisdom for every day decisions. That way is called wisdom and it comes from the study of His Word, through obedience to His Word and through prayer. It can also come from others who do the same.
2) You need to seek counsel from a godly woman (preferred) or a godly man who can help you reach into God’s word and determine what is the wise path in this case. Not someone who will tell you what to do through their dreams and visions. If this is the way the church you attend teaches, then you need to find a church that preaches truth and not their own made up ideas. If you do not know of one in your area, leave a comment about where you live and perhaps we can help you locate one.
3)Even if no such person exists for you, then you need to seek answers in God’s Word. It is not a simple answer but it is the right one. Only through relying on the Word of God can we seek to truly live rightly before Him.
Sorry that I cannot be of more direct help. Your situation is complex and needs someone who can spend more time and get more involved with the people than a blog relationship permits.