Chivalry

Note: This is mainly for guys, but girls/ladies can also benefit from this by knowing what to look for and what to encourage.

PART ONE – 21st Century Chivalry

Is there truly a place in the world today for knights in shining armor that slay dragons and rescue maidens? Too many young girls dream of their “Prince Charming,” thinking that no such person can truly exist. Knights are a thing of the past and the most chivalry we can expect out of someone is a guy opening a door for a girl, giving her his chair, and treating her with respect. And even then, it’s usually in an effort to flirt with the girl or get her attention. And thus the old maxim proves true once again, “Of whom nothing is expected, nothing is given.” Sure, we all say we appreciate chivalry, and the old ladies get all giggly when they see a young man treat a lady of any age with respect and courtesy, but is that truly chivalry? Is it only a level of politeness? Absolutely not.

Is there possibly room in the 21^st century for something called chivalry that is more than just being polite to the ladies? As I asked in the opening sentence, is there truly a place in the world today for knights in shining armor that slay dragons and rescue maidens? Yes! An emphatic and resounding YES! There is a need for men like those in the ancient stories. And while yes, dragons don’t really exist, knights did and they are just as sorely needed now as then. There are many more maidens in distress now in 2009 than there were when in the time of King Arthur (who isn’t entirely myth, by the way). There are just as many figurative dragons that need to be conquered. There are just as many giants that need slaying. They don’t look the same as they did then, and neither will we if we choose to become a modern-day knight. We won’t wear shining armor, in fact we’ll probably end up wearing T-shirts and jeans, and we won’t be fighting dragons or massive armies (probably), but we will still fight. We will fight in defense of those around us.

This topic has been on the forefront of my mind over the past few weeks. I actually know men, both young and old, that are the modern version of knights in shining armor. I strive to be one myself. It’s not a popular route, and while the old ladies may give us sweet smiles and gentle hugs for being nice, our friends will mock us, the girls will take our actions as flirtations, and we will be teased of “liking” girls that we are polite to. You know how there seems to be a group with tens of thousands of members for every imaginable cause and idea on Facebook? Well, I decided to join the “Chivalry” group to show my “Friends” what I support and believe in. Well, guess what? The biggest Chivalry group consisted of 716 members. As I said, it doesn’t make you popular. But it needs to be done. Too many times I hear of stores being robbed, girls being seduced and raped, and children being convinced to follow some old guy with candy only to be found dead on the railroad tracks the next day. Every time I read of these incidents, I think “why did no one defend this person?!” Why is it that one man who may or may not have a gun can walk in to a restaurant and convince 20 people to give him whatever he wants? Why is it that there was no one standing beside the young ladies as they were walking down the alley where a stalker was hiding in a crevice? Why is it that no one was paying close enough attention to the kid as he followed the tempting offer of candy into someone’s car? If you translate these incidents into cases in the medieval times, think who would have been there tackling the thief, protecting the lady’s honor and bringing the child molester to justice? It was the knights. That was they did. And that is just as sorely needed now, yet it isn’t happening.

However, I don’t want to give you guys the wrong impression. You don’t have to be a knight to be chivalrous. True, the knights were the official people in charge of protecting the innocent, but many men in the medieval times were just as courageous and chivalrous that didn’t wear shining armor, and there were some knights that were anything but chivalrous and honorable. Both knights and chivalrous average Joes are needed, and many more are needed of the latter than the former. We need people to slay dragons, but we also need people to walk with the average girl down a dark alley for her protection. In modern terms, we need people to change legislature, but we also need people that will walk a girl home through a suspicious neighborhood.

A lot of people misperceive simple courtesy as chivalry. I would say that the defining line between these two terms is this: if you aren’t willing to place yourself in harm’s way for the protection of others, it’s not chivalry, it’s just being polite for your own gain. If you will open the door for a lady but not take a bullet for them, it’s courtesy, not chivalry. Courtesy is one of the results of chivalry, but it does not imply it. We think chivalry is “slaying the dragon and rescuing the maiden,” but it’s not just that. It’s traveling hundreds of miles over rough terrain in extreme weather conditions, putting your life on the line for someone you don’t know, and then getting the maiden back to safety through the same route which you used to get there. That is chivalry. It’s even more than putting your life on the line, it’s putting your comfort on the line. For us Christians, putting our life on the line doesn’t always seem that big of a deal because we know we will go to heaven when we die. Dying is the easy way out, though. The hard part (or “Hard Thing” for Rebelutionaries) is spending our entire lives devoid of comfort and pleasure in order to protect the lives and honor of those around us.

As the saying goes, Chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just misunderstood. While most people think chivalry is surely isn’t dead, true knight-like chivalry is all but extinct. We need more men, both young and old, to step up to the plate and stand for the honor and life of those around them. You are a modern-day knight if you would die to protect a girl that you don’t know from being raped. This mentality will carry out throughout the rest of your life and will naturally make you a more polite, loving, caring, and courteous person.

PART TWO – Practical Application

In this section, I will discuss practical application of the principles discussed above. How do we implement chivalry in the 21^st century? Where do we implement it? Who do we practice it on?

• 1) How do we implement chivalry in the 21^st century? In the previous part of this article, I bemoaned the fact that the world today doesn’t embrace chivalry with open arms, and most places where it is accepted and encouraged, it is greatly misunderstood. So how can we be chivalrous in an age where it is either rejected or wrongly perceived?

Chivalry isn’t easy, and I spoke briefly on this in the first part. We will be rejected and we will be made fun of. But why should we care? In the words of John Newton, we once were blind, but now we see. We, as Christians, shouldn’t care what the culture thinks about us, because we don’t abide by the culture’s laws and customs anymore, we abide by God’s. We are supposed to shed our sinful nature and serve a perfect Creator. Why would we shed our association with the sinful culture in one aspect (such as sexual immorality) but not in another (such as being cool or popular)? That’s compromising our faith, which is a form of idolatry, because something in our lives (such as being cool or popular) is of more importance to us than God and His laws. With regards to chivalry, we need to do it in spite of the culture and we need not care whether or not they accept it. The Gospel offends people, and since our lives have been changed by it and should reflect that, we should be willing to offend people by our faith. They won’t accept chivalry, yes, but they won’t accept us either, if we are living in accordance with God’s will. We cannot be accepted both by unbelievers and God.

Example: Danny and Sally attend public school together and are approximately the same age. Sally walks into the room to attend a presentation and cannot find a seat, so decides to stand. Danny rises and offers Sally his seat as an act of chivalry and stands during the presentation, putting Sally’s comfort before his own. After the presentation, he hears whispers behind his back that he “likes” Sally because he showed her preference. What should Danny do? Nothing. He should ignore the comments. The only person in his life that needs to approve of him and his actions is God. He should neither require nor desire non-Christians to approve or accept his actions. Alternate solution: If those whispering behind his back are Christians, he can talk to them privately, explain the motivation behind his actions, and ask them to refrain from teasing him or Sally about it in the future.

• 2) Where do we implement chivalry? Is chivalry appropriate for every situation? Is it to be used at church but not the grocery store, the business but not the home?

Chivalry is, as a general rule, to be implemented wherever we go, with a few exceptions. In our normal, every-day casual settings into which we are placed every day, we must never cease to be chivalrous to both men and women alike. We help the weak, exercise politeness to the ladies, and defend those in need. It’s not an action, it’s a way of life. However, there are some times when chivalry is inappropriate. Examples of such instances are:

• War: You don’t calmly proceed to the nearest street corner when an enemy tank rolls into sight, you blast it to smithereens or dive behind cover.
• A natural disaster: If you are in a car and a tornado is heading straight towards you, you aren’t going to make a legal U-turn and proceed at 40mph down the street in the opposite direction, you are going to swerve 180 degrees instantly and speed as fast as possible away from it (as long as it doesn’t endanger other people) (This relates to chivalry in the aspect of obeying the laws).
• When a person’s life is threatened: If a truck is headed straight towards a teenage girl and she’s completely oblivious, you don’t walk up to her and ask her to come with you to the side of the street, you rush at her, pick her up and run to safety, or shove her out of the way without regard to the fact that it would be inappropriate in a normal situation.

• Who do we practice chivalry on? Is it just being polite to teenage girls and helping older ladies?

Chivalry is practiced on everyone, regardless of gender, race, age, or social status. While we treat different types of people differently, chivalry is a way of life, as I said in my last point, and that should show itself in everything we do, to everyone we interact with. While you aren’t going to be chivalrous to a young man the same way you are chivalrous to a young lady, you are still as a general rule polite to everyone that you interact with. For instance, when you see a guy that you know, an attitude of chivalry would dictate that you walk up and give them a firm handshake or a quick embrace/pat on the back. However, when going up to a girl that you know, a chivalrous young man could demonstrate his chivalry by not shaking her hand and refraining from any contact whatsoever, showing his high concern for her honor and reputation. Now, that doesn’t mean that if someone walks into a crowded restaurant, pulls a gun and demands everyone’s money, we are going to volunteer to walk around and collect people’s money, hand it to the thief, and wish him good day. It’s not him we need to be chivalrous towards, it’s the other people in the restaurant. While we need to maintain a chivalrous attitude towards everyone as a general rule, there comes a time where we have to chose between one of two or more parties/people. We then need to prioritize. In the above example, the many innocents in the restaurant take priority over the one criminal.

Let me strengthen this point with a more relevant example: You are at church one day and decide to open the door for people entering and leaving the building. However, there are two double doors where you are serving. Usually there isn’t a problem because there isn’t more than one person entering or leaving at the same time and you can just go to the door that the person is headed towards. However, this time, a young man and young lady walk up to the different doors simultaneously. Who do you open the door for? The young lady. But what if the two people are an older lady in a wheelchair and a younger lady, what then? You open the door for the older lady. You always help the person that would gain the most benefit from it, especially if they can never repay you (a sign of selfless serving).

In a nutshell: Chivalry won’t be accepted by the culture, and you will be teased and mocked regarding it. However, you must still practice chivalry at all times to all people, with a few exceptions. As Christians, we need to hold ourselves to higher standards of decency and politeness than that which the culture has for themselves, because we serve an almighty God instead of our own sinful selves and our lives must reflect that.

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Anyone that I am capable of protecting is under my protection. If a person comes to physical harm when I could have prevented it, I am just as guilty as if I had inflicted that harm myself. Likewise, I am obliged to help anyone that needs my help if I am capable of giving it. If I fail to give this help, then I am just as responsible for that person’s loss of time and productivity as the person or object that put them in the position of needing help in the first place.