“9For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. 10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. 11It is written:
” ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
‘every knee will bow before me;
every tongue will confess to God.’ “[a] 12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. 14As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food[b] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. 16Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

-from Romans 14

I read all the 4.3’s and found the very good and enlightening. I’m eagerly waiting for the rest of the series.

Thanks,
Jackson

1) You are someone who operates almost totally on what you think. Remember that not everyone else is wired the way you are. Young ladies, in particular, are much more wired to their emotions. That is how they help us know when we are being jerks because they feel more than we do. Emotions are given by God and are not bad unless they are given reign over truth.

2) Not all you learn about people is based on what they tell you. People lie, often to themselves. So who they say they are may not be who they really are because they have deceived themselves into believing that they are better than they are. For instance I don’t think I have ever had a child explain their actions in a worse way than the other child in a dispute explains them. Out tendency is to always paint ourselves in the best light.

In fact, one of the best ways to tell about a young man or women with regard to how they will really be in marriage is to observer their interaction with the parent of the opposite sex. You want to know how the young lady will treat you? Watch how she treats her father.

3) There is a place for third parties in relationships. Often the interest can be expressed through a third party such as the young lady’s sister or brother. This allows for the one expressing interest to risk less outright rejection and the one being shown interest to respond more honestly because the third party will be carry the bad news, if any.

However, none of those constitute a rejection of what you are saying. Just some elaboration and perhaps some balance. Not they you would ever go to an extreme.

I Love you and keep the thinking going,

Dad

I’ve skimmed your article with interest–since I often come away from such writings with mixed feelings. I appreciated your thoughts in this one, esp. your encouragement for young men to pursue upright friendships and when they are ready to marry to pursue a girl who is already a friend. But not until they are ready. I’d highly recommend pursing friendships with entire families, as well. My reasoning being that it enables a better understanding of each individual in the family–for young men, this means they have a clearer picture of a young lady’s practices/habits and likely expectations in a family/husband. They also see how different families work. And I can’t stress too much how important it is not to pursue before the young man is able to marry and also has the blessing of the young lady’s parents. I think many young men forget that women are created to respond and, no matter how well she hides it, a young lady invariably responds to anything that appears to be pursuit or singling her out. Sometimes she responds with returned affection. Sometimes with fear, confusion, guilt or trepidation, depending on circumstances and where her affections lie. As you said, simplify it. Logically, evaluate without putting out feelers to see if she is interested, then move quickly and decisively–to get her father’s approval first. I can’t even describe to you the mental and emotional agony of a young woman, who loves her brothers, when she is caught in the limbo stage–when a young man is interested and so (usually) behaves interested, and she is left, bound by scripture to be kind and gracious, yet also bound by scripture not to deceive or defraud or respond without her father’s blessing. A plea to all my brothers–never, ever, ever initiate or in any way draw a young woman’s heart, if you do not have every permission granted to finish what you have begun. But don’t be hasty! Also evaluate thoroughly. It might seem foolish, but most young women feel a strong sense of rejection and cheapness if they are quickly pursued, then afterwards (if it doesn’t work out or permission isn’t granted) given up as quickly for someone else. As if the young man made a priority list of his female friends and is simply working his way down it. It can also cause discomfort between girlfriends, if he pursues girls who are friends. So, by all means, simplify! Cut out the rediculous playacting that is dating and be serious, sober and forthright! But also be cautious, thoughtful and pure-minded in your friendships! Pursuing a friendship with marriage in mind from the start can also be hurtful if it doesn’t end in marriage. I share from observation and experience…and know you desire to honor the Lord and your brothers and sisters.

Thanks for dealing with a tough subject.

Blessings,

Abigail @ Pearls and Diamonds