A friend of mine wrote this and asked me to post it on my blog, and since I happen to completely agree with everything said, I told him that I’d be happy to. Without further ado,

On Free Speech

Dear people of America,

Since the election of Barack Hussein Obama a year ago, and to some extent for two or three years before that, our American right to free speech has been repeatedly violated by both Republicans and Democrats. The Democrats tirelessly work to silence any public opposition to their cause in the media or in the courtrooms, while the Republicans openly attack and denounce anything that is associated with the Democratic party in a non-negative way. Both parties do their best to prohibit the opposing party from presenting their opinions in any public forum, all the while claiming that it is the other party that is the one who is taking from them their Constitutional right to free speech. The political chaos that this causes comes from a misunderstanding of the 1^st Amendment in our Constitution. You see, free speech is not something that you can claim yourself while denying to others. While this may seem obvious and something that every sane American would nod their heads in agreement to, it is rarely practiced. We Americans have somehow begun to believe that we have a right to not be offended. Well, sorry to Fox News and the “Gay Rights” movement, but you guys can’t yell foul every time someone does something that offends you. Fox, Obama has the right to call you names and ridicule you if he wants to. Gay people, Judge Roy Moore has a right to publicly display his Christian faith while administrating your case in court. Does it offend you? Sure. But your demanding him to take down a personal plaque of the Ten Commandments and to stop public prayer in the courtroom offends him (and directly violates the 1^st Amendment’s religious freedom clause). You cannot demand that he not offend you because in doing so, you are depriving him of the very right you claim in practice to posses – to remain unoffended. Everything everyone does is offensive to someone, it is simply a part of life. As an American citizen, I have a right to offend you.

It is an enormous logical fallacy to claim that the right to offend is offensive and therefore needs to be abolished, as that would simply be exercising the very right that you are trying to eliminate! The right to free speech granted to us by our political forefathers must imply a right to offend. I have a right to offend you, you have the right to offend me, it can be done no other way. If we were not allowed to offend one another, our government would be gradually and eventually replaced by an oppressive dictatorship, since no body of citizens would ever be allowed to offend the government by voicing their disagreements with it’s policies. This is the very thing that Fox News has been doing (I am not here to discuss whether or not they are right in their assertions, just their right to make them) towards the Obama administration, which resulted in Obama’s attempted repression of their rights to free speech as a result of his administration’s supposed right to remain unoffended, which led to Fox’s denial of Obama’s right to free speech as a result of their supposed right to remain unoffended… see the problem here? That cycle of plays out daily, if not hourly, between the various political influences of today, bringing only chaos and dissension to the nation. Lines are being drawn, either side of which is labeled either Democrat or Conservative, almost as if the nation is heading itself towards another civil war. America must learn that we have to be allowed to offend one another unhindered. We must learn tolerance, and not the tolerance that the liberals have that tells us to tolerate all points of view – unless that point of view involves intolerance. No, we must learn to tolerate even those who cannot tolerate us. Only then will we truly be the Americans that our forefathers fought and died for.

-Publius

I am posting the lyrics to this song here in the context of my last three posts.

“Say The Words” by DC Talk:

Solomon once wrote:

“Better is open rebuke, than hidden love”

So say the words…

Silence is golden but these are the words

That the world needs to hear

(Brothers and sisters)

Terms of compassion will cause a reaction

As love drives them near

But still we choose to hide behind the face of pride

Pretending we are blind to the calling

This is my point and case, if hate can be erased

With such a simple phrase, why are we stalling?

(chorus)

Say the words, say the words, say “I love you”

Say the words I long to hear

Say the words, say the words, say “I love you”

Say the words I long to hear

Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it, say it

Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it

Some just assume we already know

Of the love that they feel

(Brothers and sisters)

Some have a heartfelt emotion

But never the words to reveal

I think we all relate, so why are we afraid

To let our hearts convey what we’re feeling?

There is a world in need with hungry souls to feed

And love can intercede if we’re willing, so…

(chorus)

(Check this out)

The word love, well it was once overused

Back in the 70’s the word was abused

But I refuse to let love be diluted

We can’t allow physical lust to intrude it

Or pollute it cause there ain’t no excuse

For the greatest gift of all to be abused

So choose to lose the pride that may tug at you

Don’t be afraid of the words “I love you”

Won’t you say the words, say the words

Say the words, “I love you”

(You’ve got to say it)

Say the words, say the words

Say them over and over

(Yeah, you’ve got to say it, say it)

(Brothers and sisters)

Choose to lose the pride that may tug at you

Don’t be afraid of the words “I love you”

Download the song from AmazonMP3 here.

]]> http://youthofeternity.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/say-the-words-dc-talk/feed/ 0 Robert Lee "Trey" Edwards, Jr. http://youthofeternity.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/teenage-marriage-part-4-3-3-uncomplicating-marriage/ http://youthofeternity.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/teenage-marriage-part-4-3-3-uncomplicating-marriage/#comments Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:48:47 +0000 Robert Lee "Trey" Edwards, Jr. http://youthofeternity.wordpress.com/?p=692 ]]>

Part 4.3.3

Part 4.1/Part4.2/Part 4.3.1/Part 4.3.2/Part 4.3.3/

“But why should we even risk those kinds of assumptions in the first place? Isn’t it better to just steer clear of close, affectionate guy-girl relationships without romantic intent?” Well, I’m glad you asked See, God made men to need a woman in their life, and vice versa. This need is eventually fulfilled through marriage, but there are still 20 or more years of our life where we aren’t married Are we to simply ignore our God-given desires for these guy-girl relationships? No. Before you go all Fundamentalist on me, think about the relationship between a close sister and brother. Is it the same as the relationship between two brothers or two sisters? No, absolutely not. It’s a lot more intimate, a lot closer, a lot more affectionate. …Because of our need for a close companion of the opposite gender. And what does Paul say about other young ladies? We already discussed this: treat them like sisters. Guys, do you treat your sister like most people tell you you should treat other girls? Girls, same question to you about your brothers. I hope not, that’d be incredibly cold of you. Yes, the relationship between a brother and sister is not at all like the relationship between a husband and a wife. But that is because the husband/wife relationship is what the brother-sister relationships we have before marriage prepares us for. Men, imagine trying to “live with your wife in an understanding manner” (1^st Pet 3:7) if you haven’t had any close relationship with any girl before then! You wouldn’t have a clue why she breaks down crying when you get her a blender for her birthday or a toaster for your anniversary! “But I thought you like to blend stuff, honey!” “I DO! *sobs* YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! *runs to room to cry*” …Amen? Cassie is the ultimate resource whenever I need to know how to treat girls or understand why they are so emotional sometimes. We can benefit sooo much from good, healthy, loving relationships with people of the opposite gender.

However, since there is the possibility (even though it is remote if the relationship is done in a right manner) of assumed intentions and impurity, I would recommend that, if possible, you make your close guy-girl relationship(s) be with a sister(s). 5 of my six sisters are adopted from foreign countries and come from backgrounds that make it hard for them to have close relationships with guys, even brothers, and I have never been particularly affectionate with my one biological sister, her personality doesn’t really allow for it. So, for me, having someone like Cassie in my life is an amazing blessing.

Don’t be afraid to develop good, loving relationships with girls that will never go past just friends, no matter what the culture tells you. Don’t give into the peer-pressure/fear of man that tells you that it’s uncool, inappropriate, culturally unacceptable, or “just plain wrong.” I wouldn’t trade my friendship with Cassie for the world. Don’t let the culture dictate how you conduct your friendships. After posting this, I will post the lyrics to a song by DC Talk called “Say The Words.” …I think we could all benefit from listening to it. That one song has shaped the way I treat Cassie and my other close girl friends more than any other influence, mainly because it’s such a taboo topic in our culture that no one ever tries to deal with it from a biblical worldview. Yes, I have spent an inordinate amount of time on this topic, but as I just said, this is something that I rarely, if ever, see dealt in the culture and it grieves me to see young men growing up with no ability to “live with their wives in an understanding way” because they’ve never really interacted with girls outside of their family or their girlfriends.

Part 4.3.2

Part 4.1/Part 4.2/Part 4.3.1/Part 4.3.2/Part 4.3.3/

However, that being said, we have both based our decisions to pursue (passively on her part, actively on my part) a relationship with another person in our lives based off of clearly defined biblical principles and standards and not emotions. But when the decision on who to pursue comes down to each other or another person who also meets all the biblical standards but is additionally someone we are romantically attracted to, we choose the latter. We are incredibly close friends and are often mistaken for a couple, but both of us are perfectly satisfied with our relationship the way it is and can see the other person happily married to another person yet the two of us still remaining close friends (although that friendship will have to change to some degree after one of gets married).

I know I’m deviating from my point by spending so much time on this, but this is a topic that repeatedly gets brought to the forefront of my mind when I observe the christian culture around me. 1^st Timothy 5:2 says: “[Treat] younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” ”Treat younger women as sisters…” …That is completely counter to today’s attitude towards young women. They are treated as objects, things to by admired and used to gratify desires, particularly physical/sexual desires. A girl and a guy can’t be close friends in today’s culture without everyone around them assuming that there is “something going on.” As I said earlier, I’ve had to deal with this in my friendship with Cassie. However, we have decided that we aren’t going to care what others think, we’re going to love and care for each other like we’re the siblings under God that the Bible tells us we are. Even the Christians that understand that it should be okay for guys and girls to be friends say that we cannot act affectionate emotionally or physically towards each other. …But is that how a good brother/sister pair act? No, they hug, embrace, compliment and help each other. Of course, I know what you’re thinking: “Wait a minute Trey, what about the second half of that verse, the part that says ‘with all purity’ …doesn’t that mean that we are to abstain from physical and emotional expressions of affection and intimacy in order to remain pure?” No, not necessarily. You may have missed this earlier, but when talking about Cassie and our feelings towards each other, I implied that we actually speak to each other about it.

Ever heard of a DTR? It means “Define The Relationship.” This is a great idea that I’ve seen discussed in several dating/courting books. It is a time where two “just friends” of the opposite gender sit down to have an honest discussion of their feelings towards each other. If there are any expectations of a future relationship by either party, this is expressed here fully and honestly. If there isn’t, which is the more likely scenario, you have the confidence that you are remaining pure in your relationship with the other person and that you have not stirred up any baseless assumptions of romantic intent on your part in the other person. It is very easy for that to happen, especially with girls. A close friend of the opposite gender does something (hugs you, singles you out in a group, etc) that makes you wonder if they “like” you. The more often this happens, the more certain you become that they are interested in you. It starts to consume your thoughts as you grow impatient for them to express their interest in you. Eventually your feelings get out or they show up with a girlfriend or something that indicates that the other person really only ever considered you just a friend and you crash emotionally. What a DTR does is eliminate the possibility of this happening (most of it, at least, this is why it is very important to keep DTR conversations completely honest and clear.). It can be uncomfortable, yes, but it is definitely worth it. For two people like me and Cassie, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a one-on-one awkward conversation, since we’re both very counter-cultural and don’t believe in that kind of awkwardness. Instead, it is a fairly common topic that comes up in our conversations with each other, even sometimes in group conversations. I can’t count the amount of times where both of us have clearly stated, before each other and before others, that there is absolutely no romantic interest between us.

“Uh… Trey… why have you added another decimal to the Parts?”

Haha, Reader, I thought you’d notice that.  This next part deals with something that is rarely ever addressed in our culture and is a topic that is near and dear to my heart so I kinda went overboard with Part 4.3 and wrote 4 pages worth of material.  I didn’t think you’d want to read that much so I broke it up into three more manageable parts. So, without further ado,

Part 4.3.1

Part 4.1/Part 4.2/Part 4.3.1/Part 4.3.2/Part 4.3.3/

Topic: How do we “uncomplicate marriage”? Context: Part 4.1, Part 4.2

1. Recognize dating/courting for what it really is – a mission to find someone that we want to live the rest of our lives with. The point of romantic relationships is not something that people “just do” for no particular reason. We are searching for a lifelong companion, someone that we will serve the rest of our lives. The point is not to find gratification of our desires, it is to fulfill God’s desire: “It is not good that the man be alone.” (Gen 2:18) and “each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” (1 Cor 7:2b) God created man and woman to complement and complete each other in a lifelong relationship of mutual servitude, that is the point of dating/courting. Once we realize this, the spouse-finding process will become much simpler.

God has given us many principles for finding a wife, the most basic one being that you must marry another christian (1^st Cor 7:39, 2cd Cor 6:14-16). In Proverbs 31, Solomon has written a list of things we should look for in a future wife (although he does note that no woman could ever have all of them to their full extent). In Paul’s letters to the church at Corinth and Rome, he talks about marriage (Rom 7, 1^st Cor 7). However, nowhere in the Bible does God indicate that the requirements of the typical 21^st century American for a future husband/wife are the slightest bit valid. These would include things like beauty/attractiveness, hotness/handsomeness, musical/athletic talent, popularity, outgoing personality, culturally acceptable, stylish, etc, etc. God does not want us to look on the external things when looking for a lifetime partner, as all those things will eventually pass away. If you base your marriage decision off of those criteria, then when those attributes have faded with age, so will your willingness to continue your covenant and you’ll be forced to either live incontent, or sin through divorce. We must instead focus on the internal, looking for qualities like godliness, maturity, and potential as a future parent to our children.

Now, I am not by any means contending that emotions should play no part in our decision, just that they should not be the driving force behind them. If you have a single friend of the opposite gender who is an amazing, godly, mature person but you feel no real romantic attraction towards them, you have no obligation to pursue that person in marriage, although you may do so for a variety of reasons. Likewise, if you are very strongly attracted to a single person of the opposite gender, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you pursuing them in marriage as long as they are a christian and that clearly shows itself in their life.

I’ll help bring this into more clarity by using an example in my own life. (Begin point 3 – Don’t romanticize every guy-girl relationship) I have this friend, we’ll call her Cassie, with whom I am very close. We are the same age, share a lot in common, agree on all major points of doctrine and virtually every minor one, have very similar personalities and we talk a LOT. If you viewed the finding-a-spouse process as a solely reason and logic-based decision, we should be pursuing each other in a courtship right now. …But we’re not. Why? Because I have absolutely no romantic attraction to her whatsoever. Cassie is an amazing, godly, mature, talented, kind, honest, sweet individual, but I haven’t the slightest desire to pursue her in a marriage relationship, a feeling she reciprocates. I apologize if i’ve been making the dating/courting process look a lot like something two Vulcans would do (Star Trek reference) – solely based off of logic. But emotions aren’t completely disregarded in these decisions, they simply aren’t what should drive us to a certain one. Neither of us have any type of romantic feelings towards the other person, and have therefore no desire to pursue a relationship. But we have each felt the pull of those kinds of emotions towards another person in our separate lives, and so we have each decided to pursue (for Cassie’s part it’s more of a waiting for him to initiate) that other person in our lives to which we do feel that emotional attraction. If both of our intended relationships were to not work out and we were both left with no prospective suitors/interests, then we would still most likely not take our relationship to the next level unless we felt that attraction between the two of us.

Over 6000 years ago, God spoke the universe and all it’s contents into existence.  He then created man and woman in His image, to reflect His attributes and His perfection. However, they rebelled against Him, casting off their perfection for a life of sin against their Maker.  God cast them out of the perfect garden He had created for them and sent them into a world with pain and toil, promising He would one day send His only Son to die in their place so that they may not spend eternity in Hell, and if they believed in this and repented of their sins then they would be saved.  This man and woman, named Adam and Eve, parented the entire human race, now consisting of over 6,000,000,000 people.  4000 years after God’s promise to Adam and Eve, He sent His son to earth through the birth of a virgin to live and die a perfect life as fully God, fully Man. Only in this manner could His Son, Jesus, be capable of taking our place as a living sacrifice. Jesus died the most horrible death imaginable under the hands of the Roman Empire. For everyone that believes or has or will ever believed in Jesus’ redemptive power, God has and did cast all of their punishment on His Son, Jesus, for three days that He spent in Hell. Then, in order to complete this redemptive work, he brought Jesus back to life. After spending a short time on this earth, Jesus ascended to Heaven before 11 witnesses and a host of angels.  It was this resurrection that means that the sinner’s debt to God has been paid in full.

After God took Jesus into Heaven to spend eternity with Him, he sent His Holy Spirit to dwell on this earth until He eventually comes to claim it as the rightful King He is. This Holy Spirit works in our lives, bringing us to Christ, providing us God’s comfort and wisdom, and giving us all the promises given to us by God in the Bible, His inspired Word, written by the hands of humans under the divine influence of the Holy Spirit and authority of God Himself.  The Holy Spirit, God, and Jesus all dwell, have dwelt and will dwell together for all eternity, three parts of the whole that is God, commonly called the Trinity.  Anyone that believes this and gives his heart, soul and mind to be a servant to God for all eternity shall dwell with them in Heaven after death, and shall one day live on the New Earth that shall be created after this one is destroyed at the coming of our Almighty King.

Live, believe, repent, worship, and you shall be saved! GLORY TO GOD ALMIGHTY!

I’m going to continue writing on the Teenage Marriage series, one post every 2 weeks like normal, but I’d like to also write on another topic completely unrelated to marriage.   Any ideas?

Adoption 3:16, a blog co-owned by my parents, is giving away a booklet named “Helping Your Adopted Child” by Paul Tripp. They’ve been overwhelmed by the contest submissions, I thought I’d contribute to their positive chaos by linking to the giveaway here.

Practical Application:

So how does that work? How do we “uncomplicate marriage?” What do we change in the dating/courting process that makes the pursuing of a spouse a simpler matter? Here are three suggestions (only the first one will be dealt with in this post):

1. Don’t treat it like a game. You know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the does-he/she-like-me game. The taking of every “hello” as a “let’s get married” (girls) or an “ask me out already!” (guys). The countless times talking to your besties about whether or not he likes you (girls) or the endless nights sitting in bed going over everything she does, looking for hints that she likes you (guys). Yeah, that game. By the time one person actually gets up the nerve to ask the other person out, there have been half a dozen imaginary relationships and breakups in the minds of each person without the other’s knowledge. He hugs you goodbye one night, you assume he likes you. He doesn’t sit by you at lunch. You assume he hates your guts. He says hi to you in the hallway. You assume he likes you again. He forgets to come to your party. You assume he’s forgotten that you exist. Marriage is much more serious than that! We participate in these fantasies because they give us thrill and pleasure and our friends encourage us to do it (peer pressure), but they are ultimately destructive to real, fruitful, godly pre-marital relationships. They change the way you act around the other person, making conversations awkward and rare. As a result, you never really get to know the person, but since you have become infatuated with them, your mind wants to know everything there is about them. Since it doesn’t have that information, what happens? Your mind fills in the empty spots with romanticized details and facts. You hear a rumor that he got an A in a class, so your mind assumes he’s a straight-A student. You hear that he was playing football on Saturday so you assume he’s a football player. You see him talking to a kid in the park and assume he’s good with children. You see him pull $50 out of his wallet and pay for something and assume he’s got a good, steady source of income. Now what’s happened? This guy (we’ll call him Tom) got an A in English, played some football with his friends in the park on Saturday, answered a kid’s math question and spent his birthday money. However, you see Tom as a straight-A student, involved athelete, good future father, and capable of supporting a family, when he’s most likely just your average high school student. The game that went on inside your head regarding Tom has placed him on a pedestal so high that he can’t even see the top. You relentlessly try to get into a relationship with Tom, only to succeed and find that he’s no different than any other guy out there, making for a very short-lived romance. So, the first way we “uncomplicate marriage” is to refuse to participate in this hormone-infested, romance-crazed dating game. Stop assuming on people’s motives and start viewing people objectively. Base your knowledge of their life off of what they have actually told you. Don’t assume any piece of information gained second or third-hand is true unless they verify it. Secondly, we need to stop getting in relationships that we are ill-prepared for. That means: 1) don’t get into a relationship until you are ready or nearly ready for marriage (nearly ready meaning that you’ll definitely be ready by the time you got engaged, assuming the relationship progressed that far) and 2) don’t rush into things. Get to know the other person before you make a commitment. And I don’t mean dating. Get to know the person you are “interested” in in the context of a purely platonic relationship, making sure you protect both your physical and emotional purity. Engage them in normal conversation in group settings, don’t set them apart in your attentions and affections, just be friends until you know the other person well enough to know for certain that you’d be willing to make a commitment to a relationship with marriage as it’s goal.

    

   The first step to uncomplicating marriage is uncomplicating the getting-into-a-relationship stage. View the matter objectively and get your information about the other person from the other person. Don’t rush into a relationship but wait until you are certain that this person is someone you could see yourself married to in a year or two. This will minimize the amount of relationships and breakups, both imaginary and real, and will make the relationships you do have more solid, as they are based off of more than mere conjecture.

Sorry for not posting the next installment when I said I would, after further review I decided that the second half did not properly convey what I wanted it to convey so I had to re-write it.